Teaching a puppy to be alone: when do you start and how do you build it up?
You do not leave a puppy alone during his first three months living with you, because a puppy cannot be alone by nature. At Stressless Dogs the real training only starts around five to six months, and then you build up in seconds, not minutes, at your puppy’s pace and never by letting him cry it out.
Whether your puppy stays relaxed when you get up and walk to the door shows in small signals. Which ones, you learn in the free webinar.
In short
Never leave your puppy alone during his first three months living with you. Arrange a sitter or take him with you.
Preparation can start after about three weeks in your home, once he is comfortable: briefly alone in another room while you are home.
The real training starts around five to six months, in seconds, and a step is only done when your puppy handles it relaxed.
If your puppy whines, cries, or barks, come back right away. You cannot reward fear, so waiting until he is quiet backfires.
Starting too early and going too fast is the reason being alone so often turns out to be hard later on.
When can you leave a puppy alone?
Not during the first three months he lives with you. A puppy cannot be alone, and that is not a matter of getting used to it.
Your puppy has just been taken away from his mother and littermates, and it feels to him like he landed in a foreign country overnight. You are the only familiar thing he has.
So during those first months, arrange a sitter, take him with you, or have your groceries delivered. The puppy months are simply a full-time job. How long a dog can be left alone at each age is in How long can a dog be left alone?
What can you already do in the first months?
You can lay the groundwork without leaving him alone. After about three weeks in your home, if he is comfortable, he can spend a moment alone in another room while you are home.
The most important preparation is not an exercise at all, but trust. That starts in the first nights: let him sleep close to you, with his bed in your bedroom. That can help prevent separation anxiety. How to handle those first nights is in The first night with your puppy.
Rest and routine help too: a young puppy needs 16 to 20 hours of sleep and rest per day, and predictability gives him emotional safety. A closed crate does not help, because shutting him in raises stress. Why, you can read in Crate training a puppy: why we advise against it.
How do you build up being alone from five to six months?
In seconds, not minutes, and in steps so small that your puppy stays relaxed.
You do not start at the front door, but with getting up and sitting back down. Then walking to the door and back, then through the door and back, and then closing the door and coming straight back. Only when that goes calmly do you very carefully extend the time. “A minute feels terribly long when you are panicking.”
You work below the threshold: a step is only done when your puppy handles it relaxed. And you follow his pace, not your own schedule, because what he can do today does not mean he can do it tomorrow. During a fear period you introduce nothing new and you are free to go a step back.
What that buildup looks like step by step is in Separation anxiety training plan: how to build it up. The principle there is the same as with a puppy.
How can you tell your puppy cannot handle it?
From his body language, and often before you are even out the door. Whining, crying, barking, chewing things up, pacing back and forth, and panting are signals that the step was too big.
In many dogs the tension already starts at your coat, your keys, and your shoes. If you already see yawning, lip licking, slowing down, or him watching you closely, and you leave anyway, you are practicing above the line of what your puppy can handle.
A camera helps, because your puppy shows the key signals precisely when you are not there. If you see them, come back and make the next step smaller.
Why does learning to be alone so often go wrong?
Because we start too early and take steps that are too big. “Precisely because we so often start teaching it this early, it is so terribly hard,” is one of the key lines from our course material.
Following a fixed schedule | At your puppy’s pace | |
|---|---|---|
When you start | As soon as possible, often in the first weeks | Preparation after about three weeks in your home, the real training around five to six months |
Step size | A few minutes longer every day | Seconds, and only moving on when the previous step went calmly |
When he cries | Waiting until he is quiet | Coming back right away and making the step smaller |
When you leave | Distracting him with a treat | No distraction, the step itself is small enough |
What your puppy learns | Being alone is miserable | Being alone is nothing special |
In summary: with a fixed schedule you start too early, add minutes every day, wait until the puppy is quiet, and distract him with treats, and he learns that being alone is miserable. At your puppy’s pace you prepare first, start in seconds around five to six months, only move on after a relaxed step, and come back right away when he cries, so he learns that being alone is nothing special.
One more common mistake: tiring your puppy out with ball games first. Chase games release a burst of stress hormones every time, and tired is not the same as relaxed.
What if being alone is already going wrong?
Then you first work out why, and only then go back to practicing. A dog can find being alone hard for different reasons, and each one needs a different approach. It can be strong attachment, but also boredom, or frustration because he is not allowed to come along, and it is often a combination. A tense puppy cannot learn, so stress comes down first, with enough sleep, predictability, and calm activities like sniffing, and only then do you continue in very small steps. More about the different causes is in Separation anxiety in dogs: recognizing the symptoms.
From our practice
“My puppy completely loses it when I want to leave” is one of the questions we hear most from puppy owners. The answer starts with age: not alone for the first three months, the real training only around five to six months, and then in seconds and below the threshold. If it still does not work after that, it is time for a specialist. More than 30,000 dog parents have taken a Stressless Dogs course.
Already started too early? Do not feel guilty: it is a very common mistake, and you can always go back to a step your puppy handles calmly.
When to get help
If your puppy goes into real panic when he is alone, stays inconsolable, or injures himself chewing or scratching at the door, do not keep experimenting on your own. Stop leaving him alone for now and bring in a behavior specialist who focuses on separation anxiety. If you suddenly see far more restlessness, panting, or chewing than usual, have your vet take a look too: pain often plays a role in problem behavior.
Frequently asked questions
Can I let my puppy cry until he is quiet?
No. Fear is a feeling, not a behavior, and you cannot reward a feeling. Waiting until he is quiet only teaches him that nobody comes when he is struggling. Come back right away as soon as he whines, cries, or barks, and make the next step smaller.
My puppy is four months old. Should I already be practicing being alone?
Not really yet. A moment alone in another room while you are home is fine, if he is comfortable. The real training starts around five to six months. Use the time before that for rest, predictability, and a puppy who trusts that you are there.
Does a chew or a treat help when I leave?
No. Distracting him with treats when he is left alone backfires and can even lead to trauma. Instead, make the step so small that your puppy needs no distraction, and come back before he shows tension. That way he learns that you leaving is nothing special.
Can my puppy go in a crate when I am out for a bit?
We advise against the crate. Shutting him in raises stress and is even named as a possible cause of separation anxiety. If you need to contain him, use a safe spot: a gated, quiet corner with a playpen or baby gate, with the door always open at first.
Sources
de Assis, L.S., Matos, R., Pike, T.W., Burman, O.H.P. and Mills, D.S. (2020). Developing Diagnostic Frameworks in Veterinary Behavioral Medicine: Disambiguating Separation Related Problems in Dogs. Frontiers in Veterinary Science, 6, 499. Distinguishes panic, frustration, and boredom as different forms of not being able to be alone.
ASPCA. Separation Anxiety. The signs of separation anxiety, why punishment does not work, and why you build up in small steps.
Read next
The first night with your puppy: how he sleeps (and you do too)
Crate training a puppy: why we advise against it and what works instead
Separation anxiety in dogs: recognizing the symptoms and what to do about it
Being alone starts with being together
A puppy does not learn to be alone by being left alone often, but by experiencing that he is safe. Behavior is communication: the yawn when you pick up your coat, the slowing down when you get up, the little whine at the door all tell you whether it is going too fast.
In the free webinar on communicating with your dog you learn to read those signals, so you know when to take the next step. Communication is the foundation here, not the whole solution. If you want to learn to read your puppy properly from the very first weeks, that is what the Stressless Communication Course is for.
Thank you for reading, on behalf of me and all the dogs.
Dog Behavior Consultant & Natural Dog Trainer