The first night with your puppy: how he sleeps (and you do too)
Never let your puppy sleep alone for the first nights, and put his bed in your bedroom. Your puppy has just been taken away from his mother and littermates, and it feels to him like he landed in a foreign country overnight: you are the only familiar thing he has. At Stressless Dogs we therefore advise against the crate at night and choose a bed within earshot instead. He is not crying to give you a hard time, he is crying because he is alone.
In short
For the first nights your puppy sleeps in your bedroom, in his own bed next to yours.
Dogs are social sleepers who switch spots and positions during the night. In a crate that is impossible, and that lowers sleep quality.
A young puppy needs 16 to 20 hours of sleep and rest per day, sometimes up to 18 to 20. Never wake a sleeping puppy.
His sphincter muscles only start developing around 13 weeks, so physically he cannot hold it through the night yet. Set an alarm for the first few days if needed.
If he cries, go to him. You cannot reinforce fear, and waiting until he is quiet only teaches him that nobody comes.
A puppy who is restless at night usually showed it earlier in the evening. You learn to read those signals in the free webinar.
Where should your puppy sleep the first night?
In your bedroom, in his own bed. Not in your bed if you do not want that later on, and not alone downstairs in the kitchen or in a crate with the door closed.
The reason is not sentimental. Dogs are social sleepers: they prefer to sleep close to their family. They are also polyphasic sleepers, which means their sleep is spread across the full day, roughly forty percent during the day and sixty percent at night, and that they want to switch spots in between. And they need REM sleep, the dreaming phase with those small muscle twitches, which requires being able to stretch out full length.
Make it comfortable: a soft bed, preferably with a slight elevation, a good temperature, maybe a warm water bottle or a thick blanket, and water within reach. If you can, offer several spots so he can choose where to lie down.
Why do you advise against a crate, especially at night?
Because everything a puppy needs in order to sleep well is impossible in a crate. Lying close to you, switching spots, stretching out. Being isolated can also feel like punishment and creates stress and fear, which lowers sleep quality instead of raising it.
There is one more reason that has everything to do with the night. In a crate that is too small, puppies hold their pee out of fear of soiling their own nest. That creates stress and can lead to physical complaints. So a puppy who “stays nice and dry” in a crate at night is not necessarily potty trained faster. He is holding it because he has no choice.
If you do sometimes need to limit him physically, for instance because you are mopping or there are wild kids in the house, use a safe spot: a sectioned off corner of the living room with a playpen or a baby gate, in a fixed and quiet place, with the door left open at first. Closing that door is something you teach positively later, at a moment when he is relaxed and nothing special is happening.
My puppy cries at night. Should I let him cry it out?
No. Go to him. This is the most persistent myth of puppyhood: that you reinforce the whining by responding. Fear is an emotion and not a behavior, and you cannot reinforce an emotion. Waiting until he is quiet only teaches him that nobody comes when he is struggling. And that is the exact opposite of what you are trying to build.
A puppy cannot be alone. We advise never leaving him alone for the first three months he lives with you: arrange a sitter or take him along. Actually practicing being alone starts around five to six months, and then it goes in seconds and not in minutes. Starting too early and too fast is one of the most common mistakes, and it is exactly why being alone turns out to be so hard later on.
With nighttime crying, also watch for the difference between “I am alone” and “I need to pee”. Often it is the second one.
How does the night fit together with potty training?
Those two are connected. Your puppy physically cannot hold his pee for long yet, because his sphincter muscles only start developing around thirteen weeks, and accidents are normal until roughly six months. For some dogs it takes longer.
What you do | What you do not do | |
|---|---|---|
Before bed | One more trip to his fixed potty spot, then build rest with chewing, sniffing or a lick mat | Play wildly or introduce a new activity right before bedtime |
Water | Keep it available at all times | Take the water away to keep the night dry |
During the night | Keep him close enough to hear, and set an alarm for a potty break the first few days | Let him cry, or leave him downstairs where you cannot hear him |
After an accident | Clean it up without paying any attention to it | Scold him, push his nose in it, or punish him |
In summary: take him to his fixed potty spot once more right before bed, then build rest with chewing or sniffing, leave the water out, keep him within earshot, and set an alarm for a potty break during the first few days if needed. An accident gets cleaned up without a word. Taking water away is not a solution: thirst creates stress, stress raises fluid regulation and therefore urination, and it can create an obsession with water.
Punishing for a puddle has one more nasty effect: your puppy learns that peeing in your presence is unsafe, and starts looking for a quiet corner. Then you are further from home than when you started.
From our practice
The most common question in our puppy work is still this one: shouldn’t my puppy be in a crate, because everyone around me says so? The answer stays no, and the explanation above is the reason. The night is almost always where it starts.
Keep your expectations realistic. Puppyhood is a full time job: you do very little, and yet you are busy with your puppy all day. Rest, routine and cleanliness, with the emphasis on rest and routine. It is completely normal to wonder now and then whether you are doing any of this right. Ask for help, take a time out, and do not forget to enjoy it. Before you know it your little puppy is all grown up.
When to get help
If your puppy stays inconsolable night after night, even when you are right there with him, something more is going on than settling in. If he pees far more often than you would expect, or suddenly regresses after being dry, think of a urinary tract infection and have your veterinarian check a urine sample. A regression can also come from teething, a fear period, or overstimulation. Always look for the cause first, because all behavior has one, and it is never revenge or dominance. If biting gets harder or panic does not settle, get a professional involved instead of experimenting yourself.
Frequently asked questions
How much should a puppy sleep?
A great deal: 16 to 20 hours of sleep and rest per day, sometimes up to 18 to 20. Provide a safe, comfortable spot and several places to switch between. Never wake a sleeping puppy, because he needs both kinds of sleep.
Can my puppy sleep in my bed?
That is fine, as long as you still want that later. Be predictable: allowing something one week and forbidding it the next is confusing. If you do not want it, put a bed next to yours, so he has all the closeness without being in the bed.
How long does he keep sleeping in my bedroom?
As long as he needs to, and then you phase it out in small steps toward the place where you want him. Not all at once, and not while he is still restless. Your puppy sets the pace.
He sleeps well at night but bites like crazy in the evening. Is that normal?
That is usually overstimulation and too little sleep, not naughtiness. Check whether he is getting his 16 to 20 hours, lower the stimulation in the evening, and offer replacement behavior such as a chew the moment you see it coming.
Sources
American Kennel Club. How to Potty Train a Puppy. On how often a puppy needs to go out: in the beginning at least every two hours, and after sleeping, eating and playing.
Read next
Crate training a puppy: why we advise against it and what works instead
Puppy potty training schedule: when is a puppy potty trained?
The first night sets the tone for everything after
What you do that first night is really your first conversation with your puppy. You show him that you come when he needs you. That is the foundation of trust, and trust is what everything after is built on: potty training, being able to be alone, calm in the house.
That conversation happens without words. How your dog lets you know he feels tension, and how you give calm back, is what you see in the free webinar. If you want to learn to read him properly from the very first week, that is what the Stressless Communication Course is for.
Thank you for reading, on behalf of me and all the dogs.
Dog Behavior Consultant & Natural Dog Trainer